Cocktail

Sometimes I struggle to work out what to wear. Not when I'm teaching or writing (in which case I could wear my yoga gear all day - but I don't), but when I have to go to a function. Last night there was a welcome dinner for new parents at Kid 2's school. The invitation said 'Business' attire, I assume because a lot of the parents would be coming straight from work. Well, I was also coming straight from work, but what I was wearing to work in definitely wasn't going to cut it.

I thought about wearing the sort of thing I'd wear to a client meeting - a dress, a blazer and heels. I even pulled such an outfit out of the wardrobe. But I just wasn't comfortable with it. So I grabbed my favourite ever jeans - black velvet skinnies - and my No 6 boots and a burgundy silk shirt. Possibly a little bit more rock n roll than 'business' but I felt like myself. Although I wouldn't say the evening was fun, exactly, the fact that I was comfortable in what I was wearing actually made me feel less socially awkward.

The next sartorial challenge is a cocktail party. I don't think jeans will do. Suggestions?

Clueless

I have been watching Kid 2's first few weeks in high school with interest. She's gone from a tiny, co-ed primary school, 5 minutes walk from our front door, to an inner city girls' school with 100 girls in her year (there were 9 in her last year of primary).

So far, it's been pretty good. She's loving it, she's made lots of friends, and the school has worked very hard to make us, as a family, feel like part of a community.

A friend asked me the other day whether I'd thought twice about sending Kid 2 to an all girls' school. I said that no, honestly, I hadn't. 'But what about the bitchiness?' the friend asked. Well, that got me thinking.

Yes, there have been moments. One day a couple of weeks ago she came home and said, 'Mum, J told me she 'got' [a bit like getting a puppy?] a boyfriend over the weekend and then she that I'll never get a boyfriend.' 'Oh', I said. 'That's a rather silly thing to say - what did you say back?'. 'I told her that wasn't very nice and then I didn't speak to her until lunch', said Miss, apparently unfazed.

When I recounted this story to a friend, she laughed and said 'Oh, I'm glad I've only got boys, girls are so horrible'. I was about to agree, but then I stopped myself. I'm pretty sure that my high school experience was a fairly standard one - I had friends, sometimes we fell out, sometimes people said nasty things, and sometimes feelings got hurt. But I honestly can't remember any seriously awful behaviour.

So why do we say this? Once I started thinking about this, I kept seeing it everywhere - the idea that teenage girls are unkind, even cruel, and that it's simply innate and we should just shrug and let them get on with it. I don't buy it. Yes, adolescence is a rough time for everyone, male or female, and working yourself out as a person - especially in relation to other people - can be tricky. No one is kind all the time. But casual accepting or assuming that teenage girls are necessarily 'bitchy' just normalises behaviour that is pretty much unacceptable in any other context. It's also a cop-out as a parent to say 'oh, they're just like that'.

Well, that's what I think, anyway ... Ask me again in a few years, I guess.

Love, Actually

Very little has been happening. And most of that which has been happening has not been good. I'll leave it there, shall I?

A bright spot on the horizon is the engagement party we are hosting this weekend. It's not a formal party at all, just a lunch in the garden. The happy couple got engaged when they were in Europe late last year, and I knew they wouldn't throw themselves a party, since they live in a tiny apartment (tinier even than our house). So I made the offer and they accepted. We don't know many of their other friends, but that's fine, since that way no one will mind if I'm in the kitchen much of the time!

We will be eating Bloody Mary sorbet, chilli crab and pannacotta with lychees. Now all I have to do is the shopping, cooking, cleaning and decorating ...