This is what I sent into class on Thursday.
This long weekend I have mostly been avoiding work by doing things I like only slightly less - sewing and ironing. The only good thing about those two tasks is that they allow for good thinking time. Picture me, sitting at the sewing machine, having a little conversation with myself. That was me yesterday. And one of the more interesting conversations I had with me was this: why do some women think that their 'mother' self is not their 'actual' self?
Background: I went to an afternoon tea last Sunday, that was officially NOT a baby shower even though the person it was for is about to bring forth her second bundle of joy. Most of the women there have small children, smaller than my two. Anyway, the discussion got round to people doing things they used to do - like going to see bands, etc. 'And I remembered what it was like to be ME' was the conclusion of all of these stories.
I didn't say anything at the time, but it did get me wondering. Are these women saying that they feel like they're faking it? That motherhood is not part of their self-image? That they're putting their 'real' lives on hold while they have kids?
I don't feel that way at all. Obviously there are differences between the pre-kid me and the post-kid me, but to me they're all just stages. I'm basically just the same, but my focus has shifted slightly. And it will shift again ...
Maybe they feel like that because they had their kids later. Maybe they have a stronger or more rigid sense of who they are, and babies and kids don't fit into it. Maybe they're just getting used to being parents.
Lord knows, I'm hardly a paragon of maternity. My kids drive me insane quite regularly. But at least I don't feel like there's another more interesting version of me waiting to come back when they leave home. This is it.
Now let me think about whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.
1 comment:
I am amazed that the young women you're talking about seem to make a distinction between being "themselves" and being a mother. And even more, for them to have difficulty realising that one's persona is not an immutable thing. We change throughout our lives, with each stage like a shake of the kalaidoscope. Though the picture looks different, all the pieces are still there. To constantly evolve and to realise that each evolution — or, if you will, incarnation — is part of a constantly evolving "you" is so fundamental. And once you're a mother, you are ALWAYS a mother no matter how old your children are. How sad these women seem unable to embrace motherhood in the knowledge that it makes them even richer as a person!
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